People want to feel safe and comfortable with you. Perhaps-clients, almost-friends, maybe-biz partners. All of them. Trust matters 900% more than anything. Make other people feel comfortable by signaling “You’re good and I’m good. I’m comfortable with you and I’m comfortable with myself. I embrace you and I embrace myself. I want you and I don’t need you. You’re great and I also have options.”
Neediness is not just unattractive, it’s scary. When someone’s needy, you feel you’re already in debt. It creates a corresponding yucky feeling of obligation in you (uncomfortable). And then you have to pick between indulging them and betraying yourself (saying yes before you’re comfortable). Then you have to feel guilty or violated. Not cute and not cute.
We feel more comfortable with you if other people like and approve of you. And if you like and approve of yourself you aren’t needy. You aren’t enmeshing others. This means we need to be independent. Meeting our own needs creatively. Resourcefully. If you won’t be fine if they leave, you’re needy. Be fine if they leave.
Ever flirted with a girl like this? She touches you and you say “Hands off the merchandise. It’s not for free, girl. That will be 30 dollars.” (That line belongs to Neil Strauss!) She’ll touch you more. Why? Because she’s not scared that you’ll take too much. That she’ll let her guard down and you won’t understand her boundaries. You don’t need her. So she can relax into the joy of exploring. She doesn’t have to be defensive because you’re not a threat. Playfully say “no” or audition the thing/ person you want to attract to yourself. And actually FEEL “I’m good no matter what.” Find out ways of ACTUALLY being good no matter what. It’s not just a performance. It’s a mentality.
It’s like this. Don’t walk up to a dog from behind. And don’t move toward it too fast. No sudden movements. Let it lick your hand for a bit. Stand beside the dog. Kneel. Go slow. Build trust. We need to feel safe to survive. It’s not personal. Stop making it about you! Don’t trigger our feelings of “oh no” or “oh god”.
“Oh wow” and “oh yes” are better. Invest a bit of time. Being bold. Being real.
Attraction is a perfect cocktail of danger and safety. "Attraction is confusion."
Business is seduction. Attract rather than chasing. The one who wants it more loses.
Now go to a party, biz meeting, club, I dunno.
Be interesting. Playfully push them away. Be silly.
"Have a great night. It was very nice meeting me!"
Do it right & they'll come right back.